Reminders

Tonight I had a similar conversations with two separate women who are close to me. The first told me she worries about me sometimes because they think I come down too hard on myself for a lot. She told me that I beat myself up for my faults but don't praise myself for my accomplishments. She told me how amazing they believe I am, and that I don't realize how many people love me. She is right.  Iv'e always felt like I am the only one who will ever be there for me.  I never wanted to be the one who didn't accept their faults but praised themselves for "accomplishments" or "attributes" I guess this is why I can be hard on myself, it may also be my upbringing.. There was always a big deal about things, which now as an adult, I know were minute.. But its too late. I grew up feeling like a bad child, because I had a slick comment here or there, or I didn't want to do my chores. Now as an adult I realize I was a pretty ideal child but yet was made to feel as if I didn't even deserve to be adopted. I appreciate my family & owe them everything, because without them I wouldn't be where I am, I love them & know they love me, but there are feelings and emotions that have followed me through my journey of life thus far,  that affect the person I am today. One of those feelings is loneliness, even in a room full of people, or with a full call log, or inbox.. Its a feeling that always seems to be right beside me or trailing not to far behind. I hate this feeling, it has the power to tackle my happiness. I also hate it bc I DO appreciate those in my life especially those close me, and I would never want them to think otherwise. She reminded me how much these people love me & would drop anything for me. I LOVE these people and although the feeling of loneliness trails behind, they often take its place beside me.

The second friend, having no knowledge of the above/previous conversation, not even knowing the other person, text me later to remind me that despite any of my circumstances, I am me because of it & those around me love who I am. She also wrote that "even as an adoptee you have been chosen which makes you that more special and wonderful. God adopts us all in a more powerful way so we all at the end of the day have an amazing Father we can rely on". She ended with "You are more special than you know & I just wanted to let you know that" … I really needed this.. both conversations. I love that although I struggle with these things and feelings, I have amazing people in my life who remind me how loved I am.

I have to be honest, there have been times in life when I have admired other people just because of how many people loved and cared for them, I always wanted that, and I realize Ive had it… since I started college at least. Those people know who they are and I want you to know I LOVE & APPRECIATE you in my life more than you will ever know. Everyone needs a little reminder every now and then, mine was definitely an in depth one, more complex than I can describe here, but much needed. Remind someone that they are special &  loved <3.

Thank you to those people in my life who are what I described here <3

Kony2012

After watching a response video to the Kony2012 campaign, I have the following response to the videos and negative feedback to the campaign. 

The fact is, he may be dead he may not be, but he is #1 on the International Criminal Court's list of most wanted war criminals. Yes you should do your research on everything you support, BUT there will ALWAYS be another issue. There will ALWAYS be other causes that need to be supported. So where do you start if there is always another cause? Is that the excuse? There are bigger things going on? How will you be involved if that the excuse and there is always another cause? Change starts with action. Yes there are other issues, who says that multiple issues cannot be supported? This is a campaign for THIS issue. If you care, DO SOMETHING. If you feel there are better issues that are more worth your time, SUPPORT THEM, but do SOMETHING. If you are not doing ANYTHING or supporting ANY causes, do not criticize someone or anyone for taking a stance on an issue and DOING something about it. The video says they realized that littles (every individual) became a big (force). Be a little to a big solution, whatever it is that you feel deserves your support!


Even if you do not support this cause, support something, become educated. There are MANY causes that need your attention. Find one that touches your heart and or you can relate to. 


THIS is the Kony2012 video. It is 30 minutes but it is worth it to watch. 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y4MnpzG5Sqc

One day..

One day …

I will feel complete
I will find what I am missing … all of it
I will get answers to my questions surrounding my adoption.. whether it is acceptance or denial.
I will have a good relationship with my family
I will achieve my dreams
I wil feel appreciated
I will realize I deserve better .. in every aspect of my life
I will start to realize that I don't deserve to be in last place all the time
I will be able to eliminate the people in my life who don't appreciate me for who I am or who I want to be
I will be able to see myself for my accomplishments and not my failures.
I will allow myself to reach my full potential
I will stop allowing others to make me feel less
I will be stop falling for those who wont fall back
One day I will be ……. Happy.

One day each bullet will be checked off, but for now, I can work towards achieving them and…. I will achieve them. Who will be there along the way and at the finish line? I dont know, but it will be the ones who cared to begin with.

Needed to get off my chest. Goodnight!