Scared|Alone

I went to the eye doctor last weekend for an annual exam & bc I needed new glasses. I was excited about being able to get new glasses. So I go in and the doctor does part of the exam, then dilates my eyes. After my eyes are dilated, she looks at them a little more. Everything about it seemed like a normal exam until she got to one part, and she was looking at my left eye for a long time, to the point where I was about to ask "is everything ok". Before I could ask, she backs up and tells me what she was looking at... she said I have a mole on my left eye, it cant be seen when looking in the mirror. She then asks.... "do you have a history of Melanoma in your family?" ..I was terrified that she used the word Melanoma, and on top of that all I could answer was "I don't know...." I don't know because Im adopted and I don't have the right to that information. She then told me she wanted me to see a specialist. So until I go this Friday, two weeks later, I wont even have an idea of what my chances are.. I will continue to wonder, what if someone in my family did have it? or what if multiple people do... or what if its so prevalent in "our" family I should have been checked for it a long time ago... As its looking right now I will never know, because my birth mother wont answer the letters that the adoption agency sends her, to get permission to give me information. I tried to put it all out of my head for the week and it managed to work... until tonight. It hit me, "Ashley, theres a possibility you could have cancer.. in your eye, which means you could eventually loose your sight" . And on top of all that.. i'm dealing with this scare all alone. I told my mom I needed to see a specialist but didn't tell her details, don't want to scare her like that. #LifeOfAnAdoptee